Just a few of my favourite pictures from Monday -
Skydiving for the first (and probably ONLY) time at Skydive Maitland.
The view was amazing - and for someone who was terrified I look to be having a really good time in the first two photos haha.
The 3rd photo was before we went up.
Last photo was just after I landed - about to kiss and hug my handsome man =D
I am proud of myself, for jumping – I didn’t freak out. I didn’t cry in the plane/jumping. I will admit I was snappy – but ultimately I am proud of myself, and I love my boyfriend so much, as he keeps saying he is proud of me too.
I sadly brought down his high, which upset him. I didn’t want to ruin it for him – I was so happy he loved it. But it was still seriously bothering me that my friends and family didn’t seem overly concerned, it was just incredibly frustrating – I wanted someone besides just my boyfriend to care. His opinion, and thoughts of me, matters more to me than anyone else – but he had me, family and friends… I had support from them too, but it’s just not the same? And I was incredibly upset over it.
Also I was feeling pretty shitty about my weight; past a certain weight its extra money… I was 3kg over it. So I felt like insecure shit – and the video we got from it didn’t help – how I was feeling about myself. I’m still feeling pretty shitty about it in all honesty. So I didn’t want to show other people the DVD – I showed my boyfriend obviously because he paid for it, and we also watched it at the venue. I also showed mum and my step dad (boyfriend saw it a second time then as well), but I couldn’t stand to watch it again. But before showing them, he wanted me to show his housemates and friends, and I couldn’t stand the idea of them seeing it, I’m worried half the time that they don’t like me – so thinking they may judge me from the video had me upset.
And I got upset as I kept saying no, but they kept persisting… and I ended up feeling worse as my boyfriend didn’t defend me, and was on their side. Which I know he was proud of me and wanted me to show off my achievement – but I willingly jumped out of a plane for him, and he couldn’t stand by my side on this one thing – it upset me majorly. And unfortunately this led to a problem between us, which gratefully we worked through.
I wish I were confident enough to show people the DVD – because he did pay for it all and I feel incredibly bad, as it seems he has wasted money on it. But in a few weeks, I probably won’t feel as bad and won’t care about showing people? And though I tried to explain that, I feel like I’ve majorly let him down over it.
So that did put a bit of a downer over it. But looking back now, though I’m very sorry that I didn’t show everyone my DVD… I am very proud of myself for jumping out of the plane – regardless of how quick everything happens. I am proud of myself for not crying on the location, and I am very proud of myself for not being scared – and I was able to enjoy the experience.
I am so happy that I had this experience, I am grateful that I got to share this experience with my boyfriend, and I absolutely loved watching his DVD and looking at his pictures - he looked so incredibly happy, it was awesome to see his.
This has definitely made the week leading up to Easter worth remembering…
The training kicked off just after 12pm, and not long after that we were boarding the plane. That was also the very first plane I have ever been in, and I didn’t even know how I was going to go flying. But it turns out, I quite enjoy being on a plane (even being forced to sit next to the door wasn’t too bad), although take off with the door open sucked, it felt like I was going to fall out.
Looking out the window – the view was gorgeous, and it proceeded to get better the higher we went – while also being nerve racking. The higher you go – the more you have to fall HAHA. We did the 15,000 feet drop – this takes us easily above the clouds, being above the clouds is just gorgeous – there are no words to accurately describe it. The sky was so incredibly blue, and the clouds looked like white fluffy pillows that went on forever.
Soon, came the drop. It all happens so quickly – as soon as you think one thing, something else is already happening – it’s insane. You start concentrating on what the instructor is telling you, concentrating on the three lights in front of you, and concentrating on what you have to do – your thoughts also blank as soon as the door opens – it’s soooooo cold. Sitting right next to the door and a burst of cold air hits you straight away, but you just move like you’re told.
Sitting on the edge of the plane, I was expecting it to be the worst part – but there isn’t enough time to be scared. You do what you’re told – you cross your arms across you chest, you hold you head back, you put your hips forward… and you’re just thinking am I doing this right? God I hope I’m doing this right… and then you’re out of the plane, falling – falling fast.
Free Fall is terrifying – I hated it. My boyfriend loved it for his own reasons – and I understand why he loved it. But for me, it was 60 seconds of just thinking, please let the parachute work… open it, open it, open it. Also my face was still numb from cold breeze, so just thinking I’m cold was a constant thought too. Falling through the clouds was an absolutely amazing experience – and I’m incredibly glad I did this, just for that alone.
As soon as the parachute opens, there is an instant thought of ‘thank god’ the parachute worked – before you have another instant thought of ‘oh fuck’ and you’re suddenly pulled back up. I was expecting that to be much worse than it was, it still wasn’t the BEST feeling – but it definitely could have been worse. (My boyfriend ended up getting bruises from the harness, but I didn’t). Another way our experiences differed – his ears popped and he had slight difficulty breathing during free fall. Where my ears luckily didn’t pop (though I already had a sore ear, that felt better afterwards, so maybe it did? :S) and I could breath fine, though I was concentrating on breathing while in the plane, so I wouldn’t freak out – so maybe me potentially freaking out, was beneficial.
Coming back down with the parachute was amazing, I wasn’t afraid at all which was a relief – the view is just gorgeous. And it doesn’t feel like you’re about to fall out of the harness, which was another thing I was sort of worried about. I did hate when he decided to turn directions though, that’s not the best feeling in the world.
Soon came the landing (I’m not sure for how long exactly we were in the air, I do know I was up there longer than my boyfriend. As I was first to drop out and I landed after him – I think they landed him first for emotional support? And obviously they get people who are scared to go first, so they can’t freak out – the plane is very small, if I decided not to jump – no one was getting out). The landing was very hard – and I ended up hurting my tailbone =( just bruised thank god, it could have been much worse, so I was lucky.
The experience was amazing – terrifying, but amazing… I don’t think I am completely over my fear of heights; it is a very different feeling being up there in comparison to leaning over a ledge. But I’m very thankful to my boyfriend for taking me, and being supportive and believing in me.
(I’ve had to break this post up into parts – it turned out pretty long).
It has been another VERY interesting week. Monday I faced one of my fears – and it was possibly one of the most terrifying and exhilarating things I have ever done.
Sunday morning, my wonderful boyfriend informed me that – tomorrow we were going Skydiving. I am absolutely terrified of heights – and jumping out of a plane and relying on a parachute to save me – is one of the scariest things I could imagine.
But my boyfriend was determined to help me get over my fear of heights – and also speaking about the idea of Skydiving, got him incredibly excited and he really wanted to do it himself.
After getting over my initial shock – that in 24 hours I would be jumping out of plane… I was surprisingly OK. I was nervous, but not as much as I was expecting to be, and I ended up having the best sleep in ages. (I was expecting not to sleep at all – or at least have nightmares about it).
Monday morning is when my nerves got to me, my boyfriend woke me up early – as he couldn’t sleep and drove me nuts, I just wanted extra sleep so I wouldn’t think about it. But unfortunately that failed. I eventually gave in, and got ready – as soon as I was alone in the shower, my nerves kicked in HARD. Around 10-10:30 I ended up getting upset, and crying because I was stressing out so much and the only thing that could calm me down was patting a cat, and my boyfriend comforting me.
We got to Skydive Maitland (where we were jumping from) at 11:30… up until this point; only my Dad, Mum and Step Dad knew I was doing it (and obviously my boyfriend and his family – as they came to watch). I decided to message FOUR friends I would be upset to never see again, if something unfortunate did happen. It’s kinda sad, that the idea of maybe falling to my death, I only wanted to let them 4 know, see my dog one last time, and spend a perfect night with my boyfriend.
It actually really upset me, that I didn’t get the reaction I was expecting from them – Dad, Mum and my Step Dad didn’t seem fussed at all, they are more concerned about me going on a walk at night or catching a train to Sydney than jumping out of a plane…
My friends – they all thought I was joking, or that I wouldn’t actually do it. The fact they had such little faith in me, let me feeling kinda shitty. I just wanted someone to say ‘be careful, I would hate for something to happen to you – and this is amazing what you’re doing’ but I didn’t get that from anyone, besides my boyfriend – and though him saying it meant everything to me, it would have been nice if someone else said it too.
Even though I have only been apart from him for 2 days, I miss him.
He made a comment previously, that he seems to think I miss him for nostalgic purposes. As when we are together I generally seem unhappy, and when we aren’t together I look forward to seeing him once again.
But I’m calling bullshit. I don’t miss him for nostalgic purposes. I have enough nostalgia in my life. I miss him for the present - how I feel about him now, and i miss and love him for what the future may bring.
It’s immensely annoying that I already felt ‘bad’ or ‘guilty’ for missing him and wanting to be with him above anyone else - because of how others feel. And now I kinda feel worse - because even he doesn’t think I miss him for the right reasons.
I haven’t been upset all yesterday or today. I’m trying to think positive thoughts - and he has been better with texting me more, and I less, and I’m excited to see him tomorrow and spend more days with him… I just can’t help but shake what he said.
Harvey and Mike love each other, pass it on.
You know what’s frustrating, when someone causally mentions something - you know they aren’t serious about. So you don’t give it much thought at the time.
But afterwards you get frustrated, because you realise it’s something you actually would love. And their reasoning for it potentially not working, is the reason they brought it up to begin with.
I could easily argue that point, but they aren’t the only person who would be concerned with this matter. Plus there are many other considerations to be taken into place.
But their tone and sudden idea of it, took me by surprise and then they suddenly dropped it. Very confusing.
It’s just one of things that has appeared on my mind today.
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